Define Yourself

I sleptwalked through 25 years of my life.  As an undiagnosed bi-polar depressive, I shuttled through life bumping into one experience after the other.  I was undefined and unprepared.  Life miraculously pushed me along and even after going to 4 colleges in 5 years, I graduated and was given a piece of paper which I believed entitled me to peace and prosperity thereafter.  At 26, the ride ended.  Unemployed and bereft from a failed romance, I fell into a deep depression.  Suicidal, I finally realized that I needed medication.  At this point however, I was only defined as "depressed".  I was put on mild anti-depressants.  The cycle would continue.  I would experience extreme elation and plunge into creativity only to wash up weeks later onto another shore, depressed and unable to function.  Again, I shuttled along, only now the stakes were higher; I was married with two children.  Last summer, as my father's health began to flounder, I finally found the right psychiatrist and medication and woke up at age 36 wondering where I had spent my life.

 

Suddenly, I realized I had choices.  Life had happened to me all these years but now I realized that if could happen for me.  Serendipitously, I had married well and produced two beautiful children.  The task now is to find out who I really am so I can parent these incredible little people.  As I stated earlier, I know these three things are true:  I am bi-polar, I am southern and I was an unwanted child, by my father.  These are accurate descriptions but they are also only part of the puzzle.  The other pieces I can fit in are Wife, Mother, Sister, Granddaughter.  But what makes up who I am uniquely?  Am I a writer?  An aspiring designer?  Could I rejoin the work force, and if so in what capacity?  Does your work define you?  Your station in life?  How do you most readily identify yourself?  At 37, I still feel undefined.