The Conditions of Love

We picked up a new puppy on Sunday; a seven week old Boston terrier.  He is instant family.

I had two noteworthy pets growing up.  Each taught me invaluable lessons about love, commitment and tolerance.

Major was a German Shepherd.  He was a beautiful animal... sleek and muscled.  During our time in the country, before Sandy left us, Major and I spent spent better parts of entire days roaming the woods.  We lost ourselves numerous times and stumbled our way home.  We encountered snakes and spiders and most horrific, my own imagination.  Major was a constant companion; a fierce protector and a loving friend.  However, he was better suited to country life than city and when we had to sell our house in the country, because we could not afford it after the divorce, Major also needed to find a new home.  I was devastated.

Shortly after we acquired Major, we got a couple of barn cats.  I instantly took a strong liking to the gray tom cat.  He grew up solid and being a cat, when we made the transition to town, he acclimated fairly well.  Mr. Gray.  Short, soft pearl gray fur and golden eyes.  He was probably 15 pounds but light on those 4 feet.  He was stealthy and low key, loving and gentle.

When the world ceased to turn and the sun refused to shine for me, Mr. Gray was never far.  Times when I could not bear my own reflection and the din of others voices could drive me mad, the caressing purr of Mr. Gray would soothe me to sleep.  His loyal affection never wavered.  The cat had an uncanny sense of need and was readily there when crisis struck.

I went to college, graduated, lived life and moved on.  Still, whenever I visited home, Mr. Gray provided both primary and undying adulation.  I relied upon his warm acceptance and unbridled affection.

I was in my thirties when Mr. Gray was either hit by a car or struck by some predator.  My mother found him curled upon our front step, his injuries innumerable.  I have never mourned a death more than that of Mr. Gray.  I weep as I write.  Mr. Gray solaced me.  When I could no longer communicate with people, that gentle gray cat would climb into my lap and give me purpose.

It has been said that animals provide unconditional love.  I think that statement belittles animals.  I think they recognize us, the good, the bad, the entire package.  Theirs is not a blind love.   They have the capacity, the enormous power to forgive... it is not unconditional; I have known animals that have recognized undeserving people and have demonstrated their disgust.  The love of an animal, if you are worthy of it, is total.  Total acceptance.  An animal can look at a misshapen face and find beauty.  An animal can forgive your neglect.  An animal can sense your pain.  However, an animal looks deeper than we are capable... they are better judges of purity.  Animals love conditionally.... upon the condition that you are worthy of love.  An animal's love can redeem you, but you must be deserving.

I have given my children this tiny expectant little bundle... it waits, for love, for learning, for life.  And I wait for the precious lessons it will bestow upon my children.  God bless the animals, great and small.