The challenges of loving

People have always told me that I have a very maternal instinct.  I tend to cluck over the sick and emotional.  Children begged their parents to have me babysit.  And I like children.  I do.  I do like children.

It's just that no one told me how challenged I would feel to love my own child.  

Teddy was planned.  Even his sex was exactly what we wanted.  He was greatly anticipated.  All of the mothers I knew raved about their status and how it had given them a new definition of living.  I expected the glory, not the gory.

Teddy is a passionate, beautiful, intelligent child who demands my constant attention, since birth.  Loving him has been, shall we say, character building? I have never questioned that I love my son; its just some days it's harder to show it than others.  

Teddy I share many attributes, both good and bad.  My mother relishes what she sees as Karma.  But are we too similar?  Because he is quick to anger and can vacillate to happiness, is this a warning sign that he too is bi-polar?  Again, I question what is me and what is the disease; how much of my personality is dictated by this illness?  

Or do I find Teddy challenging because I am bi-polar; would I be able to handle a high energy child if I wasn't?