The bitter side of blessings

The milestones of my life - graduating from college, my wedding, the birth of both of my children - are momentous and to be treasured.  However, a deep love was instilled in me as a child and the memories are precious yet simple.

 The taste of lemon chess squares, the sound of Gran's high heels on the sunroom's brick floor, the rose scented hand lotion in her bathroom. Gran.  The deepest well of memories I hold, contains memories of Gran.

At three in the morning, I lay awake.  I can feel Gran slipping away.  Each time I call, she sounds a little more frail.  She has lived with cancer now for 2 years.  She is 88.  

I cannot imagine not being able to hear her voice.  She is my constant.  I have never known a moment when I have not felt completely loved by Gran.  I have questioned the love of my parents, my children, my husband, even God but I have never questioned Gran's love.  Knowing her has been my blessing and losing her shall be my curse.