I am lucky beyond my wildest wishes. Don't get me wrong... I've put in some serious time. If misfortune builds character, I have more than a Shakespearean play. However, when I climbed out of bed at the luxurious time of 10 AM today, I felt like a queen. Both children in school and the day rolls out in front of me like a red carpet.
I know luck. Good. Bad. Luck and I have waged war. I've won airline tickets to France and I have been suicidal twice. I've had my heart broken, more than once, and I found the love of a lifetime. I can take Luck on.
Yet I am powerless when Luck goes bad for those I love. I have offered to help. I've given what I could but sometimes that is not enough. I have offered money, my home, my shoulder... sometimes, there is nothing you can give. Watching someone suffer is painful. Luck is a brutal mistress.
I was fifteen the first time I tried to take my life. My parents were separated, I was abysmal in school and pocked by acne. My mother was drowning in her own desperation and my brothers were young. I overdosed on tylenol. More of a cry for help than actual attempt? Probably. Yet I was thrashed by bad luck and wanted to end the pain.
I'm thirty eight now. Medicated, happily married with beautiful children and a lovely home. I am lucky. Lucky that I married someone with great health insurance to cover the outrageous cost of my medication. Lucky someone loves me. Lucky I lived this long to find love.
Tonight I feel especially lucky... and sad. I have dear friend who is not so lucky. She is brilliant and brave and she followed her dreams and they led her to a sad reality. Friends are harder to care for than family. They are squeamish about receiving aid, especially financial.
In addition to my brave, brilliant friend, I have a family member who needs a savior. She calls upon her God. I want to convince her that God choses angels... that maybe I am one for this person. Can I work a miracle for her?
Luck. Good. Bad. The roulette wheel constantly spins.
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