Fear

I've been afraid of a lot of things in my life... mostly of being alone.  Sure, the usual suspects prey upon me as well... spiders, heights, needles.  However, my real fear was always that I would end up some wasted old woman, barren and bereft, idling her days away with 99 cats.

I have been spared such a fate.  A husband, two children, two cats and a dog on the way later, I am no longer afraid of spinster days.

My fear now is more bothersome and less solvable.  I constantly fear that which I cannot control, mostly the fate of others.   I cannot control the terror with which my Gran lives; I cannot control the cancer ravaging her body.  Nor can I control the ridiculous circumstances which may force my mother out of business.  And I am rendered useless in balming their wounds... no number of visits or plenitude of floral arrangements will stop Gran's cancer.  My money will not stop the rain which has poured into my mother's shop and flooded her inventory, leaving a rancid trail of black mold.  No amount of wishing or praying will make these ails cease; I know, I've tried.

Surely there is nothing worse than standing by and watching your loved ones suffer.